I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
