In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
