he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
