dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
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Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize