He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
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I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
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The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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