This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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