Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
