sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
