Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
