I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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