If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i came on her dog
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
