But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
