kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Boobs are out for the taking
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
