someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
