I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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