i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
