Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
