the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
