No awkward lesbian experiences without me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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