It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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