Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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