i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
