A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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