He passed out mid-signature
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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