Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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