I can tuck mytits in my pants
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
