I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
