I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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