things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
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The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
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Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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