I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
