Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
