If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
