there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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