The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
