I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I FOUND THE LEGS
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
