someone threw a dead crab at me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
