I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
