I wanna passion pit in your ass
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just gargled with NyQuil
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
