Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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