You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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