Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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