dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
