mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
