Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
