What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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