i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
