Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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