He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
