I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I would fuck him just for his dog
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
