well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Randomize
