i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
