soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
