I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just gargled with NyQuil
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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