Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
