I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Fuck appropriateness.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
