i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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