I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I CAN MOONWALK!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
