Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
