i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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