I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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