I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
