Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Acid is not a monday night drug
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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