I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
