You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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