I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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