Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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