You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
