yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
