He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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