I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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