I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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