apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
