dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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