You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
