He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
