So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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